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Jesse Edgar's Journal
Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
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2008.12.15 04.30
aosidjfasi;jdfn;aosdfgpaosdkfmgsdfg
GIMME DA CASH!
8===D
games? Creamy? Creamy beige?
justin wright. Your name is now in my livejournal. Feel loved, you gay bastard.
Prepare for Dirty Santa on the 20th, bitches.
Mood:  chipper
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2008.05.19 13.30
shya I have
I have been in a terrible mood as of the past couple weeks. I feel much better today though. Maybe I'm on my man period.
Anyways, I went to Jeremiahs B-day party night before last. It was fun. I got WAYYYYY to friggin drunk though. Bad news for the bears that is.
Mood: good
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2008.05.15 02.04
yo yo yo
bedlamemotion.com is now up and running!
So, I am in dallas right now and I'm kinda drunk. Not too drunk though. I have the fucking hiccups and it's annoying as shit. We went to a concert tonight. Saw Combichrist, Birthday massacre and Mindess self indulgence. It was a good effin show. I was kinda bummy because I thought it was just gonna be the guys and brit showed up unexpectedly. But, as the night progressed, I was really glad that she had came.
I think that the reason I don't like going to concerts with girls is because my past experience with it isnt fun at all. I remember the first time I Went to a concert with a gf I was 15 and she thought it was a good idea to wear a spaghetti strap shirt and crowd surf. Shirt came off and was never to be found and she didn't wear a bra. Other incidents include girls passing out. Girls throwing up in the bathroom. Girls not wanting to get close. and I just don't feel like I can really get into the concert and go fucking crazy because they are there.
But, either way, I ended up having a very good time at the concert. Brit was awesome and didn't make me mad at all. I really got into the MSI show and enjoyed myself thoroughly.
Anyways, We are back at the hotel and now I am fixin to hit the sack. GOOD NIGHT!
Mood: good
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2008.05.14 02.36
fucking A..
this whole, "Writers block" thing or whatever I have right now is driving me fucking crazy. I just want to write something. ANYTHING...
Life has been rather bland here lately. I wish my mom would hurry up and get our place lined out so that I could move in and get a job and start doing something. It seems that everyday I am just doing the same shit over and over. which, I am. I'm boring. I feel like everyone around me is bored to. I'm getting jumpy and small things are starting to piss me off. For example, Why is nobody interested in shit anymore? I mean, nobody is passionate anymore. I love my computers, music, and cars. Everytime I get something new for them or something happens, nobody fucking cares. Recently I upped my horsepower in my del sol 20 HP and nobody cared. Not even my fellow car friends, which I have few of as of lately. Marc recently got a new protege and I thought it was the coolest thing in the fucking world. It's a sweet little white proty pro thats completely stock and is in nice condition. Is it anything special? No, not really. Would I pay somebody more than 800 bucks for it? No... But, it's still cool as fuck. I mean, I stole his keys right then and there and started driving it around. I was thoroughly excited for him. But, When I up my car 20 horses, and bring out the solio for the first time since last summer... it's not a big deal. Nobody cares. Nobody says, "Lets take your car, put the fuckin top down." Same goes for my new computer stuff. Got a new laptop, new 1 terabyte hard drive. New korg synthesizer. New XPS computer with 3 gigs ram. got my system working in my hatchback again.
Nobody fucking cares. I haven't heard anybody say, " Wow, thats fuckin cool..." " Oh! Where'd you get that, How much did you pay for it? What are the specs? how do you like it? "
I think that is part of the reason I have writers block. I don't have a push to do anything anymore... Nobody is concerned and nobody fucking cares.
As a matter of fact, everyone can kiss my ass at the moment. I am in a pissed off mood.
Mood:  pissed off
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2008.05.12 17.27
Quickie...
I LOVE...
Seabounds new CD double crosser.
Pendulums Cd Hold your colour.
mah bay bays face!
Mah kitty...
My mother cause she is awesome.
Lupe's mexican food!
So, I'm fixing to meet my mother in OKC so that we can go look at a few houses. Wish me luck!
Mood: happy
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2008.05.11 17.05
ooouuuccchhhh
fffffuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkk alcohol. I feel like complete shit. My whole body hurts. Damn you vodka, damn you to the bloody bowels of HELL! grrr
Mood:  sore
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2008.05.06 22.33
God damn it....
I have a problem. I need to make fucking music. That's my thing. I'm ok at it. It's fun and it gets shit off my chest. Unfortunantly, everytime I try and make a song I am never happy with it. I feel like I have lost my creativity or I'm just not happy with the type of music that I usually make. I think I need access to more intruments and stuff. Perhaps that will make my creativity swell again.
Oh, listen to the new Seabound CD. It effing rules.
Mood: worried
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2008.05.05 05.09
oh lordie... won't you buy me...
I updated my myspizzle and stuff. I bought a laptop. I watched the forbidden kingdom(which effin rules!)
That was my day. Goodnight.
Mood: amused
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2008.04.28 23.29
in the eclipse, wit the britzzz
Im on my way back to my house. Listenin to massive attack. The theme song from house! I love that show. Brit and I watch it religiously. Today was rather slow, but good. Woke up around 1030 am ordered pizza played on the computer. Wentback to sleep around 1. Woke up at 3. Played on the comp some more.
Im downloading a few seasons of top gear. The entire span of fresh prince. Mythbusters seasons 1-4. And a few movies. Oughta keep me busy for a while. 8)
Anways, after brit finally woke up we went and got chinese. Went to her house and chatted up her gma a bit. Now we are on our way back to mwc. I found a mobile version of livejournal on my sidekick. Ill definently be updating more often now.
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2008.04.28 16.00
yup, I hate her
Brittany won't wake the FUCK up and give me some LOVE! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Mood: giddy
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2008.04.27 17.27
Holy balls...
I have internet that works normal now! I am super fucking excited. I was on the phone with tech support at dell for 2 hours about a hard drive firmware upgrade and now everything seems to be working peachy. *knocks on wood*
Mood:  blah
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2008.04.25 19.33
Guess who is back into the music making business? I've been playin around with music stuffs as much as I possibly can these past couple days. It's taking me a little longer to get back in the groove than I thought it would, but it's slowly coming about. I bought me a few goodies the other day.
1. A 1 terabyte lacie external hard drive!
2. A clutch for my honda civic hatchback!
3. Poker chips and cards that come in a case that looks like a bomb!
Really thats about it.
Anyways, last night I got drunk with Brit and Jeremiah and Chris. It was good times for the first 3 or 4 hours but then I gots *le tired* and irritated. I probably would have been ok if I wouldn't have ran out of alcohol. hehe but getting on the roof was def. cool. though I could have done without some of the conversations that took place. Def. not good drunk talk. Too deep. and nobody makes sense when they are drunk. Maybe it's because I can't comprehend well when I'm drunk. Who knows...
Well, hopefully I'll be getting my own place here pretty soon. My mommy is coming up tomorrow and we are gonna go out and look for a house. I pray I can finally get out of here and crank up my music without fear of waking the baby. or waking donnie. or waking janell. Or waking the baby inside janell. haha
Anyways, I'm going to end this novel.
Mood: cranky
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2008.04.19 03.23
Today I woke up around 230 p.m. to brittany knockin on my door. That was a nice suprise. After a shower and what -not we met up with her cousin at Chelinos and at some enchiladas. drove straight from there to techumseh and helped my mom remove the wall paper from her back room so that she could get her house ready to sell. Came back here and I've been on the computer ever since.
I am downloading torrent files of drum loops and I can not WAIT to finally use them. I've got over 30,000 samples that are begging me to use them and I have to wait a few more weeks before I can really start pumping out music again. I'm ordering some new studio monitors, Sound card, Condensor mics,cables, and stands.
Jesse = super fuckin excited.
I'm lookin at brit right now sleepin in mah bed and she has one foot hangin out of the covers and she looks super cute. But, she's got dirty feet. ewww
Quote of the day, "Sometimes it's cool to be nasty."
Alright, I'm outtie 5000
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2008.04.18 01.14
Jerry Seinfeld rules...
So, I just watched "A Bee Movie. It's a pretty damn good movie. I enjoyed it. you should def. check it out if you are into witty pixar movies.
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2008.04.17 15.49
Chick chicka yyeeaahh, fake ID fake ID!
Well, I was cut short in my last entry so I figured I would do a bit more catching up. So, Like I said. Brit and I have been together now for almost a year! It's crazyness I tell ya. But, she is a beautiful girl and I am happy. I'm still living with donnie right now. But, I will probably be moving very soon. I'm hoping to move to moore. I dunno yet though...
My mother wants me to move with her to southside. I love living with my mother, but it just doesn't sound like it's what I want to do this time around. I actually told myself that I was gonna get my own place, pay off 2 months of rent, and pump out a bunch of music. That was my plan. So, I sold the camaro for 8000 and I was gonna use that money to do it. I just don't know what to do! Hell, I'm afraid I won't be able to get a place by myself without a job.
Anyways... I heard a new band and I am obsessed. They are called "Powerglove". They are like dragonforce covering video game songs and it rocks my face completely off my skull.
ok, I'm done for now...
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2008.04.14 21.15
10 months since my last update!
Wow.... Wow wow wow........
It's been for-fucking-ever since my last update. So many things have changed. I went through and read all of my entries from 2002 till december 2003. That is when Tiff and I got together. Dont care to read too much into that. haha
Well, since my last update, I have purchased a camaro. Started dating Brittany. Living with Donnie. amongst other crazy shit. I miss updating this thing everyday and reading into some of the crazy ass stupid shit I would write back in the day. Some shit made me laugh. some shit made me sad. Some shit just made me roll my eyes and say, "What the fuck was I babbling about?" haha
Britt was checkin out some of my journal entries. I think I might see if she's interested in starting one of these things. she likes journal type stuff.
I don't know that anybody reads this anymore. Tons of people used to. as I read on through the journal I noticed that the comments were abundant through 2002 - 2003. They died down into 04. It would be really cool if people started using Livejournal again. It's so cool to go through and read all of that old goofy shit I used to do. I miss tulsa and raves and random house parties.
I gotta give the computer up right now... I will update more later.
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2007.07.04 02.00
I did well, for a few hours...
So, tonight I went out and hung out with Lauren, Dustin, Justin, Donnie and some other peoples. It was a good time. I was suprised by how socially outgoing I was at first. I mean, I actually had a decent conversation with lauren and we laughed our asses off for like an hour and half. Then Heather came over with a couple of friends and we all hung out and I was still talkin it up and being my old self again. Then we started playin trivial pursuit and I was doing good for about 20 min. and then I gradually stopped talking and I started getting paranoid and I just wanted to leave.I don't know if it was because I was getting tired or if I was just getting annoyed by the really loud and obnoxious gay guy that kept throwing stuff. Either way, I decided to leave while I was mildly ahead of the game and people still thought I was social. hehe
Honestly, being in a 3 1/2 year relationship totally destroys your ability to be outgoing and socially stable. At least it did for me. But, I'm slowly getting back in the game. I'm talking to alot of different people and hanging out with new friends.
I honestly think that I am starting to get better. Starting to get over it. It still hurts everynight, but its nothing compared to that first month or so.
Mood:  determined
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2007.07.03 03.29
Wow, it's been a little while... hasn't it?
Geeze, when it's been so long since your last entry you don't quite know how to even start. Makes you wonder if anybody will even read it.
Well, times are rough at the moment. I ended up dating Tiffany for like 3 1/2 years. If you go back and look at my past posts you will see that 3 1/2 years is definently NOT my style.
Where has the time gone? Where have alot of my friends gone? Ya know, I've sat here and read alot of my past entries and I wonder to myself... "How could I have been so oblivious to the fact that I Was such an asshole to some of the nicest people of my past?"
Well, if it's any consulation, I have changed quite a bit. At least I think I have. It's a little late for that though, right?
I have pretty much screwed up the majority of my life. But, I've had some kicks while doing so. I have some good friends in my life now that I wouldn't have had if I hadn't gone through a long relationship and moved to shawnee and blah blah blah.
Going back and reading all of my old entries really makes me wish I could turn back the hands of time and change a few things that I have done. Hell, I wouldn't mind just going back and re-living some of those moments.
Ya know, I make it sound like my life is living hell right now. But, it's not. My past has molded me into the person I am and I am still not finished growing up. Actually, reading my back entries and seeing how much I have grown up makes me excited for the way things are looking. I have come a long way. The only bad thing is that new friends are few and far between. Going out feels quite a bit different.
I Tell ya what... A 3 1/2 year long relationship that ends sour can really, REALLY change your life. I Don't really know what to do with myself now. I have alot of options, but not a clue which would be the best for me. I Start Dell on the 9th of July. Hopefully that will be a step in the right direction.
It's nice to see that Live journal hasn't deleted my journal yet. It's really nice to go back and remember how good you had it back then. but It sucks to realize some of the things you should have done differently. All I can do is hope certain people will forgive and forget and hope that my past will help me realize the RIGHT thing to do in the future.
Mood: hopeful
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2006.03.20 00.21
Doesn't it suck when the closest person to you, changes who they are in a blink of an eye?
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2006.03.19 03.22
Well, tonight has taken an abrupt turn for the better. I've just been sittin on my bed, readin a book, relaxin, warm and snug, eatin some laffy Taffy listenin to some Placebo.
It was awesome.
I need to make more ME time for myself. Cause this is awesome.
8)
Mood: cheerful
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2006.03.17 20.37
Everyday...
Every single day...
I wake up, I wonder to myself. What am I going to do today to make my years worth living. I tell myself, " I'm 21 years old! I have got to live it up! " So, wake up, I go to school, I come home around 8:00 P.M. and I scramble to find something interesting to do. Something that makes my life feel full. I think to myself, "I wonder if there is a party I can go to? I want to get drunk, act stupid, be crazy!!!! " I often hope to meet new and interesting people that I be-friend and have even more people to hang out with to make my life be lived to the fullest! They will know parties in the future. They will introduce me to more people.
So, I do. I meet new people. I dislike 90% of them. But, I be-friend them anyway. It's a wider range for me. I have more friends, so my life has to be more exciting in the long run.
I want to look back at my life when I'm 30 and say, " Damn I lived it up! I was a wild crazy ANIMAL! "
But today was different. Today was pretty shitty. but, it was a good day at the same time. It helped me realize that I am being extremely irresponsible and greedy.
These years impact my future more than any years would. I need to start wroking on my future.
I love music. I love cars. I love my schooling. I love my family. I love my video games. I love my computer.
Now is the time to start sculpting. So in the future I will look at my masterpiece and realize that I did live my life to the fullest. So that when I look at my children and wife in the future, I can say, " I built this for my family. " I can look at what I have become and say, " Damn, I sure lived my life to the fullest. "
I worry every single day. I have panic attacks. I have an extreme case of paranoia. Yet, I don't act on it. Instead, I feel an urge to keep my mind OFF of it. I decide that instead of dealing with my problems, I should go party and hang out with friends and drink the worry away.
I worry about everything. I worry about my mom. I worry about my grandmother. I worry about my sister and the boys. I worry about my school. I worry about my music. I worry about the shows that I want to throw. I worry about money. I worry about a job. I worry about my health. I worry about my horrid procrastination. Most of all, I worry about my future and WHO will be in it and what it will have instore for me.
But, instead of working my problems out. I party, I hang out with friends, and I forget about the emptiness I'll feel when I get home and Lie in bed with only my thoughts to keep me company. I worry myself till 8 - 9 in the morning.
But, what do I do when I finally fall asleep and arise the next day? See paragraph one...
So, what will I do about this delimma?
Well, hopefully I can pull myself together. I need to go to school on Monday and ask for job placement to get myself experience in the buisness world of music. If I have no experience, that means no bank loan for my studio. I need to start eating healthy. I need to find time to visit my family. I need to make a little more money to help my mom out because she is in a bind. I need to step it up when it comes to my music. Shows can't be that hard to find.
As for who will be in my future plan. It doesn't matter at this point and time. The last thing I need is my mind nagging at me because I am alone. I am not alone. I have all of my friends and family. Plus, I have other things to worry about. It does me no good to sit and pine over something as huge as love at my age. There are millions of girls in this world. One is right for me. We will find eachother in Due time.
Worry about the task at hand, Jesse.
Your life depends on it.
Mood: determined
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2006.02.17 01.53
So, Today I went Bowling. It was fun. I bowled a 198. My high game is 267. I was proud.
I am starting to plan for my future. Hopefully I'll be the owner of a studio sometime soon. That'll be nice.
I kinda wanna move out of state. It'd be nice. Clientale might be hard to find in Oklahoma.
Chances are, I will stay in Moore though. But, a move out of state isn't completely out of the question.
I'm planning on goin up to Tulsa sometime soon. That'll be cool. Hopefully everything is goin good down there. I miss Jasonn and all of his shinanagins(sp?)
Not much planned for this weekend. I'm thinkin about throwin a get together. But, it probably won't happen. My friends in OKC are a little crazy. heh heh They might break somethin.
I have alot of new songs on my Myspace if anyone wants to check it out. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=19604018
Anyways, That's a short update on my life!
Mood: blah
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